As I’m writing this, I have been at Atomic for a little shy of two and a half years. I have been a delivery lead for that same amount of time. What has stood out to me during that time is my change in mindset. I feel braver and more confident despite still not feeling like I know what I am doing. Interestingly, this wasn’t gradual. There were distinct transition points.
So what happened in those moments? I stopped letting my fears drive my actions. Here is what I’ve learned about how to identify when I am in a fear loop — letting my fear brain drive — and how to move out of this mindset.
Signs Fear is in the Driver’s Seat
This will be different for everyone. For me, there are two big tells as to when I am letting fear drive.
Not Asking for Help
For me, this looks like not asking for help unless I’ve spun my wheels trying to figure out the solution to the point of burnout. When fear isn’t driving my behaviors, I have a clear understanding of when to cut myself off and get help. When fear is driving, I drive past the ‘Exit for Help’ sign MANY times before taking it.
Not Trusting My Intuition
This one, I am still learning about. So far, I’ve identified that it looks like trying to approach and solve problems in a way others are doing. It’s inauthentic and means I don’t bring my skills and strengths to the table by offering different perspectives.
What I’ve Learned
When I let my fear brain drive, I stop taking risks. The good kind of risks like offering your manager feedback, asking for help when you need it, or demoing to a client for the first (or tenth) time. When I stop taking risks, it creates a positive feedback cycle. Not taking risks leads to being less willing to take other risks.
It impacts my ability to grow and learn. It prevented me from getting to know my coworkers and the culture of Atomic better. My fear kept me isolated from asking for help.
Changing the Cycle: Breaking the Fear Loop
The good news is that you can flip the cycle. Are you too locked down by fear to take risks professionally? Take personal risks. Do things AND FAIL. It builds confidence and resilience. Confidence is built not by always succeeding but by understanding that you can bounce back.
For me, travel is one of the best ways to kickstart taking positive risks. It’s a bit intensive but it works. The constant need to make decisions and do things I might not have done before drives rapid, positive feedback. Often, I find that I start to listen to my intuition again. I learn more about myself and my fears, and that it’s okay to fail because I can recover and pivot.
Final Thoughts
I wish I could say that I’ve hacked my own brain and will never get caught in a fear loop again, but I can’t. I continue cultivating awareness and taking good risks in and outside of work. I work to remind myself not to go it alone and to let other people help me. And, finally, I work to accept that I will fail sometimes and fear will drive me.
Where has fear held you back in your life? How have you tried overcoming this? Have you learned to listen to your intuition?