When I was pregnant with my first child in 2020, my dominant emotion was fear. Not the joy and anticipation that make most first-time parents giddy. It was early in the pandemic, I was isolated, working from home, and navigating my first pregnancy while trying desperately to maintain my COVID bubble. I remember dreaming about this beautiful network of wise women who would magically appear and guide me through birth and postpartum. But that’s not at all what happened.
Spoiler: You don’t automatically get a “village”; you need to build one.
I ended up being induced at 36 weeks due to developing cholestasis, a liver condition, well before I was mentally ready to meet this new baby. And then, we two scared new parents and our precious baby were sent home. It was the longest 20-minute drive of my life. And when we got home, we felt completely alone and overwhelmed. It was a disorienting, unplanned entry into parenthood.
Looking back, that whole season felt like being dropped into a brand-new job with no onboarding, no documentation, no team, and then being told to “just figure it out.” As a Delivery Lead, this scenario is my nightmare. No wonder I struggled.
Now I’m pregnant again, and this time feels radically different. I’m not afraid. And I’m absolutely not assuming things will just work out. Instead, I’m approaching this season with intention and transparency, and I’m preparing by building a solid team.
Building My Support Team Early
With my first baby, I didn’t hire a doula. I got insanely lucky that my hospital offered volunteer doulas and that one happened to be available for my birth. I’m not rolling the dice again.
This time, I already interviewed and booked a birth doula ahead of time. I’m also hiring a night nurse to be with us for the first month. We desperately needed sleep the first go-around, and now with an older child, we need to be on our A-game. The night nurse will help us establish good routines around feeding and sleep schedules, something we had to figure out completely on our own the first time. We struggled with a baby who refused to take a bottle until their first day at daycare, when they had no other choice.
While I was amazed and proud to be able to breastfeed my baby, I was exhausted, and my husband felt like he couldn’t help more. He took on house cleaning and diapering, but wished he could participate in night feeds. Introducing bottle feeding earlier this time will help both of us share responsibilities more equitably.
As a Delivery Lead, I’d never start a complex initiative without a team that actually meets the needs of the work. Why would I treat postpartum differently?
Prioritizing Postpartum, Not Just the Birth
During my first pregnancy, I was laser-focused on planning the perfect labor. I think a lot of first-time parents are. Birth is the Big Dramatic Event, the one movies obsess over, so you put all your energy there. But here’s the truth I didn’t understand until I lived it: labor lasts hours, but postpartum lasts months. And even in healthy parents and pregnancies, some medical interventions are needed and plans change. Lucky ones get to bring their babies home, and thats where the real work starts.
Aside from registering for all the baby gear and taking a baby CPR class, I didn’t think much about what I would need after the baby arrived.
This time, my goal is to create a peaceful postpartum. So I’m planning ahead for meals, rest, emotional support, and not being the default adult responsible for everything. I’m even coordinating my own meal train because I know how helpful it was last time. People want to help, they just need to be told how.
This is a little like project work: don’t over-optimize for the sprint, think about the entire project deliverable. In this case the goal is a smoother, more supported postpartum.
A Medical Plan That Actually Reduces Anxiety
One of the biggest questions for me the first time I was pregnant was “When will I go into labor?” I spent weeks writing out my perfect birth plan, and imagining laboring at home with scented oils before driving to the hospital and listening to my empowering birthing playlist. But instead I was induced at 36 weeks with no notice. That was of course not my birth plan, but it was medically necessary.
While I would love to experience natural labor at home this second time, the reality is that might not happen for me. With an up to 90% chance of recurrence of cholestasis in future pregnancies (the liver condition that caused my early induction last time), my medical team is now prepared to begin testing me earlier so we can plan ahead. We can talk about induction timelines realistically instead of reacting at the last minute. That means I will be able to communicate a clear plan with friends, neighbors, out-of-state family, and my Atomic team ahead of time.
Having this plan doesn’t eliminate uncertainty, but it gives me a framework to manage it. I can focus on what’s within my control rather than getting lost in fear or waiting for an unknown moment to arrive. In project management terms, it’s risk mitigation: anticipate the unknown, plan for it, and coordinate the team so everyone is ready.
Re-Evaluating What I Actually Need
I’m revisiting my 2020 baby registry and laughing at myself. I asked for so many things I barely used. Meanwhile, the items that did matter (baby thermometer, diaper rash cream, nose Frida) weren’t even the ones I obsessed over. I’ve learned that products don’t make postpartum peaceful. People do. Support does. Sleep does.
This time, instead of buying more, we’re happily accepting gently used items from families in our neighborhood. It feels more sustainable and community-driven. And the money we’re saving is going straight into things that actually make life easier: the birth doula, the night nurse, DoorDash delivery.
The biggest need we’re intentionally prioritizing this time, and one that we overlooked the first time, is childcare. Reliable, trustworthy care in a convenient location that fits our family schedule is essential. We’ve moved neighborhoods since our first child, and an age gap means that now daycare will be in one location, kindergarten in another, and both have to coordinate with two working parent schedules. Most days it feels like parenting is primarily logistics.
While we loved our previous caregiver, we know we need to find a closer option, possibly even an in-home nanny share. We’re still figuring out the details, but we’re putting significantly more planning and research into this decision than we did the first time. Childcare is a critical dependency and planning it well keeps the whole family system running smoothly.
Supporting Our Older Child
The biggest variable in this second pregnancy isn’t the new baby; it’s our older child.
We already know she’ll feel the ripple effects of newborn life. There will be disrupted nights, tired parents, and schedules that suddenly go sideways. And, we want to give her all the love and attention she deserves through that. I think one of parents’ quiet fears is, “How do I show up for everyone without feeling like I’m failing someone?”
We’re trying to face that honestly and proactively. We’ve started talking with our daughter about how our family dynamic will shift, and how being a big sister doesn’t mean becoming a tiny adult. It just means she’ll have a baby who looks up to her. But she’s still just a child herself, and her needs don’t shrink because a newborn arrives.
One piece of advice that has really stuck with me is if both kids are crying, go to the older one first. Not because the newborn doesn’t matter, but because the newborn won’t remember, and the older child will. As long as the baby is safe, they can wait those extra moments while I show our older child that she is still seen, still valued, and still held.
Planning Around Her Needs
We’re planning intentionally around her needs in several ways:
- Maintaining daily routines, especially bedtime, so she has a predictable structure and stability.
- Continuing her weekly swim class, giving her a sense of normalcy and independence.
- Dedicated 1:1 time with each parent, even if just for small activities, so she still gets attention and connection.
- Leaning on our neighbors and friends to help with playdates, school drop-offs, and other small supports when both parents are stretched thin.
The goal is to create a web of support that allows her to feel loved, seen, and secure while also giving us the bandwidth to care for the newborn.
Re-Centering Myself as Both a Mom and a Professional
In my first trimester, client needs were honestly a welcome distraction from how rough I felt physically. But now in my second trimester, I’m finding space to re-center myself in this pregnancy. I’m intentionally building in time to pause, breathe, and let myself feel genuinely excited.
Being a working mom and Delivery Lead means constantly navigating urgency, expectations, and shifting priorities. Pregnancy has a way of reminding you that your body is your longest, most important project. And, it doesn’t care about your sprint schedule.
At Atomic, I’m lucky to work in a place that supports whole humans. That makes it easier to set boundaries, ask for help, and celebrate milestones along the way. With my first pregnancy, I waited until six months to tell my manager because I didn’t feel the workplace would be family-friendly or receptive. This time, I shared the news at seven weeks, knowing I’d be navigating severe morning sickness, which has been worse and longer this time. I was met with understanding, support, and celebration from my team.
Prenatal Yoga
One major difference this time is my prenatal yoga class. In 2020, I had zero interaction with other pregnant people due to the high risk of COVID. My birthing classes, mom groups, and even my baby shower were virtual. I had no community, no shared experience. This time, I intentionally sought out a space with other moms. The class focuses on our changing bodies, connecting to our babies, and practicing strength and breathing for birth. Beyond the physical benefits, simply being with other pregnant people and sharing that energy has been grounding and joyful. This has been a small but meaningful way to feel supported.
Matrescence
I’m also revisiting Matrescence by Lucy Jones, a book that blends personal experience with scientific research on the physical and emotional changes of motherhood from pregnancy through postpartum. Reading it reminds me that the transformations I’m experiencing are normal, profound, and worth attention.
With supportive colleagues, intentional social connections with other pregnant people, and focused self-care, I’m feeling more centered as a parent, but also as a working professional preparing for maternity leave, postpartum, and a confident return to work.
My “Village” Built on Purpose
I used to think a village was something you inherited, a community of people who just appeared when you needed them. But now I know better. A village isn’t something you find, it’s something you build.
Last time, fear was my constant companion. This time, my dominant feeling is peace, not because everything is predictable, but because I’m preparing intentionally and asking for the support I need.
If you’re a new parent, a second-time parent, or just someone planning a major transition, maybe the best advice I can offer is that you don’t get extra credit for doing it alone. Build your village and prioritize your peace, however that looks for you.