Here’s Where Change Actually Starts: Leading with Listening

Early in my career, I believed the way to effect change was to tell people what to do. I thought that if I said “this is the right way,” people would fall in line.

Honestly, I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing at the time. Rule-following is deeply ingrained in me, and I genuinely believed that if I said it was the right thing to do, others would agree. That belief went largely unchallenged until a mentor said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“You’re never going to convince anyone by just telling them to do something.”

That sentence cracked something open for me. It forced me to examine why I did things the way I did, and why I wanted others to do them too. But understanding why wasn’t the end of the work; it was just the beginning. I learned fairly quickly that having good reasons alone wasn’t enough. If I wanted to grow, and if I wanted teams to grow, I needed to listen.

Why Listening Matters More Than Convincing

Real evidence doesn’t just come from principles or past success; it comes from lived experience, from stories, patterns, and feedback people are willing to share.

As I step into my role as Software Development Practice Lead, that lesson feels more relevant than ever. I can’t just tell people what to do, and even if I could, I know it wouldn’t help. I’m responsible for the culture and success of our software development practice across the entire office, but improvement is never going to come from “because I said so.”

If I want real data, the best place to get it is from the people doing the work.

During Q3 and part of Q4 of 2025, I interviewed every Tech Lead in the office, along with several leaders in adjacent roles, seventeen people in total. I asked the same core questions in every interview, ranging from how Atomic Object’s values show up on development teams, to our technical strengths and gaps, to my favorite question:

If you had a magic wand, what would you change?

I set a few firm rules for myself going into these conversations:

• Ask everyone the same questions
• Do not share my opinion or try to debate
• Most importantly, listen and dig into the whys

All of the interviews were transcribed so I could stay present in the conversation instead of focusing on note-taking.

Turning Listening Into Understanding

What surprised me most was how hard the next step turned out to be. Synthesizing qualitative data does not come naturally to me. I experimented with using AI to help, uploading transcripts and asking it to surface themes. At first, I tried to turn those themes into something measurable: tables, counts, numbers. It was a mess. I had taken rich, human stories and flattened them into something lifeless.

So I stopped and started over.

That reset didn’t feel like a failure. By that point, I knew the material deeply. I just needed a different lens. I shifted to a top-down approach, knowing I needed a strategic narrative. I asked for something more story-driven, and two categories emerged that immediately resonated with me:

1. Strengths we should protect
2. Gaps we must address

From there, I went back to the transcripts, clarifying, rephrasing in my own words, and grounding each theme in direct quotes from the interviews.

Listening gave me something I couldn’t have acquired on my own, at least not quickly: context, history, and lived experience at Atomic Object. It helped me build relationships. It allowed me to reflect the team’s perspectives back to them accurately and honestly.

In the end, I created a slide deck to share first with the leadership team and then with the entire office. It felt right. People could see themselves in the data, both what we should preserve and where we have room to grow.

Where It Starts Now

Now, convincing isn’t the primary tool I reach for in my leadership.

I still care deeply about good practices and thoughtful ways of working. What’s changing is where I’m starting. In this role, I’m beginning by trying to understand the people practicing them. Listening first is something I’m intentionally building into how I lead, not because I’ve mastered it, but because I’m learning how essential it is. Even at this early stage, it’s already helping me support change that feels more grounded, shared, and sustainable.