A few months into a project, my team had to deliver news no one likes to hear: our early estimates were wrong. The work was taking longer than expected, and we needed to adjust scope and timeline. I remember the moment before that meeting, that familiar pit in my stomach, and then realizing something was different. Our team trusted each other, and we had built trust with our client. That shared confidence made a hard conversation feel like a joint problem-solving session instead of a confrontation. That experience reminded me that the most important skill I bring as a consultant isn’t technical; it’s relational. Relationship isn’t what makes the work easier; it’s what makes the hard parts possible.
The Hidden Work of Relationship
We all nod along when someone says, “Build good relationships with your clients” or “Invest in your teammates.” It sounds obvious, but few people ever explain how. Relationship-building can sound abstract, something you either naturally have or you don’t. But it isn’t magic. It’s a practice, and it’s the foundation of both strong teams and successful projects.
In consulting, we’re always operating in two systems: relationships within our team and relationships with our client. When both are healthy and connected, everything else—communication, alignment, even technical quality—flows more easily.
Doing Work Together
One of the fastest ways to build a relationship with teammates or clients is to actually do the work together. Sitting side by side, or screen to screen, builds shared context faster than any stand-up or status update ever could. When you pair on a story, troubleshoot a bug, or whiteboard an idea together, you stop being “the developer” or “the consultant” and start being part of the team.
You earn credibility not just through what you know, but through what you create together. The side effect is deeper empathy on both sides. Within the team, you start anticipating each other’s moves. With the client, you begin to understand their pressures and priorities. Suddenly, everyone is solving the same problem, not negotiating over it.
Getting to Know Each Other
This may sound obvious, but it’s easy to overlook how getting to know people personally can break down the walls between “boss and employee” or “client and consultant.” When we see each other as the human beings we actually are, it becomes infinitely easier to work on the hard problems together.
If someone has an interesting virtual background, ask about it. If they’re wearing a shirt with a sports team logo, ask how their season is going. Feeling extra brave? Invite them to coffee, lunch, or a local event.
Ask questions and show genuine curiosity—most people enjoy talking about themselves. Just remember to reciprocate. Share something about yourself, too. Relationships grow fastest when curiosity runs both ways.
Sharing Humor
Laughter is a subtle but powerful signal of trust. It reminds everyone that we’re humans before we’re roles. Some of the strongest teams I’ve worked on could move fluidly between joking about a failed test and tackling a serious architectural challenge because both felt safe.
When using humor, read the room and choose your moments. Notice what kinds of humor have worked before. Was it a self-deprecating comment, a well-timed quip, or light sarcasm? The next time it feels right, try it: joke about the “sunny with a chance of frizzy hair” forecast, share a funny anecdote that highlights a shared situation, or drop a pun that earns a good-natured groan.
Used thoughtfully, humor bridges gaps between disciplines and personalities. It also helps clients see that you’re approachable and human, not just a vendor. Shared humor doesn’t mean avoiding hard topics; it means the relationship is strong enough to handle them.
Being Vulnerable
There’s a moment of truth in every collaboration when you have to admit you don’t know something. It might be a detail in the code, a process step, or the right next move. That moment can feel risky, especially in front of a client. But handled with honesty, it builds trust, not doubt. Vulnerability opens the door for others to do the same. Within a team, it invites openness instead of defensiveness. With clients, it creates transparency and a sense that you’re all learning together.
Being vulnerable doesn’t always have to happen in real time. Sometimes sharing a story about a moment when you learned something the hard way or faced uncertainty can have the same effect. It reminds people that you’re human, that growth is part of the process, and that mistakes are opportunities for learning. Those kinds of stories make it safer for others to be honest too.
When someone says, “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll find out,” or shares a story about a time they didn’t have it all figured out, it shifts the conversation from posturing to partnership.
Practicing Empathy
Behind every tense meeting or unclear decision is usually pressure you can’t see. Maybe a teammate is balancing competing priorities. Maybe a client is juggling stakeholder expectations or organizational constraints. It’s easy to interpret those moments as resistance or lack of commitment, but empathy helps you see them as context. And that context isn’t always work-related. You never really know what someone is carrying outside of the project. They might be dealing with an illness, family stress, burnout, or grief — things that don’t show up in a stand-up but affect how they show up every day. That’s why it’s so important not to make assumptions about intent. A quiet teammate might be exhausted, not disengaged. A client who seems distracted might be going through something deeply personal.
A small reframe—from “Why did this happen?” to “What’s making this hard?”—changes the tone completely. Within a team, it turns frustration into support. With a client, it moves you from blame to collaboration. That shift doesn’t mean ignoring accountability; it means leading with understanding so that accountability can stick.
Starting Small
You don’t need a grand strategy to build stronger relationships. It happens in moments:
- Pairing with someone new on your team.
- Asking a teammate or client a genuine question before offering a solution.
- Sharing a laugh before a tough discussion.
- Admitting when you’re uncertain instead of pretending to know.
Those small acts of humanity accumulate. Over time, they create the trust that lets teams weather change, disagreement, and even failure together.
The Power in Practice
Building relationships isn’t extra work; it is the work. It’s what turns feedback into learning, disagreement into alignment, and hard news into shared problem-solving.
The next time you’re heading into a tough meeting, ask yourself one simple question: What’s one small thing I can do to remind this person—teammate or client—that we’re on the same side? That’s where the power of relationship begins.