Article summary
Successful relationships – both inside or outside of business – require a focused effort to meet others where they are to build connections. Without a strong relationship, navigating obstacles and aligning on goals is exponentially more difficult. A key tool for achieving this is mindfulness – the deliberate choice to bring your focus to the present moment and situation, rather than worrying about the future or regretting the past or running on autopilot.
An Example
Imagine yourself in a deep conversation or an important meeting you had recently. How do you feel?
Are you worried there isn’t enough? Do you feel your status is threatened? Is your focus primarily on winning? Do you feel defensive? Are you committed to protecting your pet idea? Are you breathing faster? We all react instinctively to protect ourselves when our group feels it’s “losing” or if we are threatened by a scarcity of resources. However, in that survival fight-or-flight mindset, we sacrifice our connections to others to close up and protect.
In that moment, are you curious and committed to growing? Are you ready to make mistakes and learn? Are you imagining the possibilities and playing around with the ideas? Will you bring others along on the journey? Are you excited? Are you gracefully letting go of your attachment to ideas when they no longer fit? Discovering new things? If you have an open, curious, growth mindset, and focus on the current moment, THAT is when you will make real progress – both in finding solutions for your intentions, and in your connections to others.
Virtue of Lightness
The key to this is the “Virtue of Lightness” – not wrapping up your ego attached to some ideas in particular, but rather lightly and easily letting ideas go when they no longer fit, no matter how proud you are of them.
“Beware lest you fight a rearguard retreat against the evidence, grudgingly conceding each foot of ground only when forced, feeling cheated. Surrender to the truth as quickly as you can. Do this the instant you realize what you are resisting, the instant you can see from which quarter the winds of evidence are blowing against you.” – Eliezer Yudkowsky
Be deliberately mindful in your meetings and relationships. As soon as you find yourself feeling defensive, immediately breathe and let go. If you feel that fight-or-flight response from others, immediately stop pushing for a solution and instead focus your full attention on building connections. Without connections, communication is impossible. A defensive, anxious reaction will never change anyone’s mind. You have the power to choose how you respond!
You are not your ideas. Your value is intrinsic. It’s not affected by whether an idea you like was used. Be aware of yourself and those you are connecting with. If you are deeply attached to an idea and feel your status or standing is affected by that idea’s reception or success, you will never be able to connect with the people around you – or find out the even better idea that is waiting for you.