Recently, a partner team on one of my projects unexpectedly stepped away from work we depended on. Without their part, we could not ship the feature we were building. That made the situation both urgent and potentially difficult.
A developer on my team had been leading much of the coordination and planning. She is someone I trust deeply in client situations. She brings clarity and momentum, and over the last few months I have been repeatedly impressed by the way she takes ownership.
As we talked it through, she told me she wanted me in an upcoming meeting with our client that afternoon. She was anticipating a difficult conversation and wanted some support.
I take explicit requests for support from my teammates seriously, but I would not be able to attend the meeting she was asking me to join. My calendar was packed. I had only a few minutes between meetings to figure out what to do.
So I solved the problem. 🦅
I scheduled a new meeting, set the agenda, and pulled together the right people for the call. Then I went on to my next meeting feeling reasonably satisfied. We had a plan. My teammate would not be left alone. I handled it.
Later that day, I got a tactful message from her asking if we could talk.
When we did, she told me I had swooped in. You know, I flew in with a red cape and blue tights, and I saved the day.
There was no damsel in distress there, though. My teammate shared how she experienced it: she had been handling it. She had asked for some support and expressed some uncertainty. In response, I had taken the work out of her hands.
As soon as she said it, I knew she was right.
When support turns into ownership
I didn’t step in because I thought my teammate was incapable. In fact, I knew the opposite.
I stepped in because I saw a problem I knew how to solve.
That distinction has been bothering me lately. Am I jumping in because of my beliefs about my teammates’ capabilities, or am I addicted to the high of being useful?
A lot of my professional identity is built around being useful. I notice what needs attention, and I know who to call. I can turn ambiguity into a meeting, a decision, or a next step. Those instincts have served me well as a Delivery Lead.
But they can also become a shortcut with meaningful costs to my team’s satisfaction and growth as consultants.
Someone needs help. Another hesitates. Someone needs a break. I know what to do. So I do it.
In this case, I had translated, “I need you with me” into, “I need you to take this over.”
Those are very much not the same request.
The thing is, over-owning works
This is part of what makes over-owning hard for me to recognize.
It often works. Like, it gets the job done.
The meeting gets scheduled. ✅
The blocker moves. ✅
The client gets an answer. ✅
I get to use my superpower and the immediate situation becomes more orderly.
The cost shows up somewhere else.
For example, my teammate didn’t need me to manufacture an opportunity for her to grow. She already owned the work. What she needed was room to continue owning it while receiving my support and partnership.
Instead, the moment she expressed doubt, I treated ownership as up for grabs.
I think I do smaller versions of this all the time. A teammate is waiting on another team, so I send the follow-up. A conversation needs to happen, so I arrange it. I see the next move and just do it… at the cost of giving another capable teammate a chance to make the move.
Each individual intervention is easy to justify. Taken together, I’m worried that they can teach my teammates that I am the person who handles the difficult edges of our work, not them.
Making room for my team to thrive
I don’t think the answer is to stop helping my team.
Sometimes my relationships or role make me the right person to step in. Often, my context helps me see blind spots that might not be visible to my teammates, and I feel a strong sense of responsibility for making those visible and actionable through conversation and collaboration. And I cannot stop being accountable: if the team misses our commitment, I have to answer for it.
Right now, the change I am trying to make is smaller. Before I act, I want to understand what kind of help someone is actually asking for.
Do you want me in the room? What does support look like for this challenge? Do you want another perspective? Do you want me to make the call, or help you think through the call you are about to make?
That takes more time than solving the problem myself. It also requires me to tolerate a little more uncertainty. It also feels a little nebbish. Swooping feels like Leadership™️. Asking feels like hovering.
Truth be told, I am still learning the difference between contributing my experience and taking over.
For me, over-owning often starts in a moment that feels like competence and usefulness: I know what to do next.
Next time, I want to ask this question: does this situation need my context and skills or can one of my very capable teammates own this?